The expat's guide to reducing stress over the holidays

This time of year is filled with holiday spirit, but with the risk of sounding like the Grinch, there are often also negative emotions involved.

Expats returning "home" for Christmas frequently experience stress quite specific to their life situation. Not only have they got to manage the normal Christmas demands, such as buying and finding the "right" gifts, financial strain, finish work, social overload, travel, etc. but might also have high expectations of their ideal break and potential tension with family members they've not seen for a long time.

On the other hand, foreigners deciding to stay put can experience feelings of loneliness and guilt. People living on their own or grieving a lost loved one, may find the festive season particularly challenging.

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Remove some holiday "musts" and enjoy the simple act of being outdoors

Here are some strategies to help you cope with feelings of overwhelm or anger.

Set realistic expectations to reduce stress

Avoid comparisons of what Christmas "should" look like. Aim for "good enough". Remember that you can't please everyone. Find out the key things the people you are celebrating with (including yourself), would like to get out of the break.

Perhaps you wish to tweak the traditions? Maybe you could do the food shop online, send virtual Christmas cards, reduce gift buying through Secret Santa, not visit every relative, etc. Identify what's truly important to you. Reach an agreement and stick with it.

Sharing workload is caring

Make peace with the people-pleasing side of you that feels you must handle everything yourself. Suggest guests to bring dishes, set the table, help with the washing up, or get the grandparents to look after and spend quality time with the kids/pets, so you can also enjoy the break.

"Set your boundaries. Try to say no to things that aren't helpful for you." Mind

Avoid the triggers

A lack of family time can add to the stress of making everything "perfect". In every family, there are sensitive issues that can escalate into full-blown conflicts (especially when alcohol is involved).

If there are children around, try to put your adult conflicts to the side avoiding the "no-go zones", as this is not the right time to deal with it.

Managing strong feelings

If it all gets too intense, try to remove yourself from the situation to calm down and think things through, before you act.

If you can't change the situation, use distraction to manage powerful emotions, e.g. count to ten in your head, listen to some music, call a friend or do some housework.

Alternatively, use humour to help you take a step back from your anger, e.g. if you refer to someone as a racist or dictator, imagine your in-laws dressed up as Donald Trump, Hitler, etc. this somewhat silly technique can assist in keeping things in perspective.

Lastly, you can influence your emotional state through changing your physical state, e.g. through doing some deep breathing to settle heightened cortisol levels or progressively tensing and relaxing each of your muscle groups.

Engage in attentive conversations

Instead of just reacting to disagreements, try to imagine yourself in the other person's shoes and really lisen to where they are coming from. Try to get underneath their views and opinons. Genuinely listening to someone can build strong connections.

If you have reached your limits, it is important to keep your integrity through speaking up. Try not to degrade the other person or label them, but keep to simply stating your opinion in an assertive way.

Reach out

Christmas can be a difficult time to get through especially so if you recently experienced bereavement or are spending it on your own. Try not to isolate yourself, reach out to family and friends over email, social media, phone, etc. Get active; there are plenty of charities and churches in different locations that offer Christmas gatherings, markets, carol singing, etc.

If you need to speak with someone confidentially there are several charities in Norway offering free assistance, e.g. Kirkens SOS helpline: 22 40 00 40 or Mental Helse's phoneline: 116 123.

I hope this guide to expats to reduce stress during the holidays proved useful. It's possible to have a more relaxing and joyful Chrismas by focussing on what is truly important to you and your family and handling strong feelings.

What are your go to tips for a less stressful Christmas? Please share below.